My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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