so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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