So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
