Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
