i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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