i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Randomize
