I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize