mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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