Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
