Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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