hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All the doctor said was why
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
