SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
