I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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