I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We are all done wearing pants today
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
