He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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