she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
porn star boner night. come get it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
