So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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