I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
