She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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