It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
