She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
