I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My bed smells like the plague
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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