Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
