im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
