Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
