why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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