every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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