Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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