i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
