Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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