I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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