She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize