apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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