EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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