Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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