I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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