I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
