Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
