hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
