and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
