Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize