True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm like, not good at living.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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