this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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