i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
