i just had sex bonerless
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
