omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
