we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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