Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
