did you get engaged???
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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