Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
