So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
