1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
