Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize