this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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