five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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