nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had to cum in my sink.
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