I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
