I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
