Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize