Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
