my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
