i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize