Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
