TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
