saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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