don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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