New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
