FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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