i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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