Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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