So drunk its hurt
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
