who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
