When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
