i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
two words...techno handjob
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
