A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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