thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize