I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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