So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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