You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
