bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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