4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
