My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
