Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
