What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
