I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
