Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
