I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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