can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
